Dear Wormtail
by Eleuven
Summary: "We promised we would tell you all about the first day, so here it comes. We were in the train and James challenged Sirius to put as many Bertie Bott's beans in his mouth as he could." Letters sent among the Marauders during their last years at Hogwarts.
1. Letters of September 1976

Letters of September 1976

 _Hi Peter!_

 _We promised we would tell you all about the first day, so here it comes._

 _We were in the train and James challenged Sirius to put as many Bertie Bott's beans in his mouth as he could. Result: he started choking and James was laughing so hard that he couldn't do any magic, and I didn't know which spell to use, so a 7th year Hufflepuff guy had to smash his stomach several times. Sirius was so grateful that he gave him the Bertie Bott's bean he choked on for him to keep as a fond memory. The Hufflepuff guy threw it away first chance he got, of course._

 _I didn't pay much attention to the sorting to be honest because Sirius kept saying that he felt he still had a bean inside one of his lungs. He is still saying it now, actually. Since James and I have started ignoring him, he has left to wander around the tower and tell other people. I've heard someone scream so that can't end well._

 _The feast was great, as usual. There was some new peach cake which I'm sure you would have loved. James and Sirius managed not to get detention on their first day, which as McGonagall pointed out has not happened since their first year. They are heartbroken about it, of course._

 _Do you know when you'll be coming? I really would like to have you here to put some sense into them and tell them that as a prefect I cannot give them the key to the dungeons to play pranks on Slytherins._

 _Moony_

* * *

Pete,

Please explain to me why you're not here yet. I fail to understand that. Moony keeps making all these excuses for not helping us in our plans, like "it's too dangerous" or "I'm a prefect" or "that can actually kill someone, James". Blah blah blah. WE NEED YOU TO CONVINCE HIM, PETE. You're ace at that. Please.

The first day was fun, except Sirius and I didn't get detention this year as is customary, which was very disappointing to us as well as to Minnie. Seriously, you should have seen her face when she told us, I swear she had teary eyes. I think that she's secretly proud of our achievements, even though she will NEVER admit it. Tough nut, that McGonagall.

We have a new captain of the Quidditch team. It's Kingsley Shacklebolt and I'm not sure I like the change. He seems more competent than Steve, which to be honest is not like super hard. But he has told me that if I manage to get my Quidditch rights suspended like last year he will take his bat and beat me up to death with it, so there's that. He didn't seem to be joking.

Lily is even more beautiful and scarier than last year. I didn't think that was actually possible, but there you are. She hasn't punched me yet though, which is a great success. She ALMOST did it when I enchanted her quill to fight against Alice's in an awesome and flourishing duel in the library, but she took a very deep breath, told me to fuck off, and left. That girl is learning some pretty impressive anger management.

Full moon is in two weeks and we need you to poke the knot, so I really hope you've come by then or we will have to go there and drag you by your beautiful straw-coloured hair. I don't think your mum would like that a lot, would she?

I have to run now because we have Potions and also Sirius is panicking again about his lung (I'm sure he'll tell you all about it so there's no point in wasting ink on that).

COME BACK PLEASE,

Prongs

* * *

 **Dear Wormtail,**

 **I regret to inform you that by the time you have come back to Hogwarts I will be (violins playing) dead.**

 **It sucks, I know. But I'm sure it will console you to know that it actually sucks more for me. Or maybe it doesn't, because I won't be feeling a damn thing will I? The cause of death will be a Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Bean, which really is ironic because it's definitely my favourite sweet in the whole world and I would prefer dying than not tasting another (good) one again. The problem is that it's not where it should be, i.e. my stomach/intestine, but in my lung. I'm sure Remus and James have already told you all about it, so I won't bother you with the gruesome details.**

 **I will only tell you that you have been a great comrade and partner in crime and that I will think of you when drawing my last breath, if only as my Bertie Bott's beans lender (you're the only person I know who keeps sweets on him at all times, and for that I admire you, brother).**

 **Before you ask, I have actually gone to the infirmary. Poppy checked me up and told me I would, and I quote, "live to astonish us for many more years". I don't know what she means with that, but I'm sensing that she doesn't take my fatal condition very SERIOUSLY (hah! I can make puns even when I'm at Death's door). Neither do Moony and Prongs and the rest of the bloody castle for that matter. Not even good old McGoggles paid me any attention when I asked her to fulfil my dying wish of getting to kiss her strawberry-red lips at least once. I think I'm just going to say my goodbyes in silence and leave with the last shreds of honour that I've got left.**

 **Please make a great funeral for me. Don't invite my mother but make sure that Madame Rosmerta is there and she brings firewhisky to pour it over my coffin.**

 **I salute you,**

 **Padfoot**

PS: Pete, this is James. Before you worry about Sirius, you should know that last night we fled from Filch on a frantic race from the dungeons all the way up to the Gryffindor tower, as in ACTUALLY RUNNING UP HUNDREDS IF NOT THOUSANDS OF STAIRS, and when we stopped Sirius didn't seem even a bit flustered. I'm no doctor, but I would say his lung is perfectly fine.

 _Oh Merlin, is he still talking about his bloody lung?_

YES. Can I puncture it to give him a good reason to cry?

 _You know how much I would like to say yes, but no._

 **STOP HACKING MY LETTER!**


	2. Notes of October 1976

Notes of October 1976

Are we going to the Ravenclaw vs. Hufflepuff match?

 **Yeeeeah.**

Moony?

 **Moony stop ignoring us.**

 _I'm in if I can be neutral. And you know what I mean._

Don't worry, Sirius and I are not having this discussion again.

 **Well, I think we should.**

I think we shouldn't.

 _You definitely shouldn't._

 **We need to pick a colour though. We cannot be the idiots in red. And as it turns out, you don't have any yellow jumpers, James.**

I do have one. I bought it especially for these situations.

 **You DID have one.**

What did you do with it, Sirius?

 **I used it a couple of months ago to free an elf from the kitchens.**

WHAT?!

 _What the hell, Sirius._

 **What can I say, fuck the system.**

NOT WITH MY JUMPER. What am I supposed to wear now?

 **Well, you do have blue jumpers.**

I'm not supporting Ravenclaw. I though I had made myself clear ALL THESE YEARS.

 _You had._

 **I honestly don't understand you, your own mother was in Ravenclaw! Does she know you hate them?**

I don't hate Ravenclaw. I just think it's not our sister house.

 **And our sister house is Hufflepuff? PLEASE.**

Yes, as a matter of fact I believe it is. Hufflepuff is Gryffindor's sister house and Ravenclaw is Slytherin's sister house. It just makes sense!

 _Ok, I have to say it -I don't think "sister house" is a thing._

It is a thing, Moony. It is definitely a thing. Doesn't it appear on "Hogwarts, a History"?

 _A random association between the four historical houses based entirely on subjective preferences? No._

 **There are sister houses Moony END OF THE STORY.**

Which side are you on anyway?

 _NOBODY'S. In this eternal argument I have decided to be Switzerland._

 **Hufflepuff is a potato house full of potato people and you want Gryffindor to become another potato house by association and I WILL NOT HAVE THIS.**

Hufflepuff's trait is loyalty and that's so related to bravery! You would actually fit rather well there, Pads.

 **You didn't just say that.**

I did, and it was supposed to be a compliment. You're fucking welcome.

 **Let me tell you a little story. Many centuries ago, there was a noble wizard who decided he would teach magic to the brave at heart in a tower. There was another wizard, a bit more selfish, who decided he would teach his own magic to the shrewdest down in the dungeons. There was also a smart witch who chose the most intelligent and taught them where the top of the tallest tower touches the sky. And finally there was a fat chick who ate a lot.**

 _Wow. You should definitely write a modern version of the history of Hogwarts, Sirius._

 **I know, right? My point is, James, if you support Hufflepuff in the next game I'm afraid we cannot be seen together. I don't want to be seen with potato people.**

You suck.

 _You are both disturbed._

You suck too, Moony. I miss Peter.

 _Yeah I miss him too actually._

 **I never though I'd say this, but so do I.**


	3. Letters of November 1976

Letters of November 1976

 _Hello Peter!_

 _How's your mum? Is she doing better? I'm starting to think she is not ill at all and you're just trying to cover up that you're a werewolf! Haha. Sorry, that is a bad joke... I just said it because that was the excuse I used when you guys didn't know about it, remember? Heh. Anyway, I hope she IS doing better._

 _I have so many things to tell you! First there was Halloween and then it was Sirius's birthday. Dumbledore decided to do a Muggle-style Halloween, you know, with the scary pumpkins and the skeletons and the spider webs, except the pumpkins and the skeletons were moving on their own. There was also other scary stuff like random screams around the castle, evil laughs... James came in the room one day covered in blood, saying that a creepy little doll in the corridor had asked him to play with her, but her head had suddenly snapped and fallen to the floor while she was still laughing horribly. Sirius had to sleep with him that night._

 _Also, last week there was a great snowfall and all the grounds are covered in white. Everyone was expecting the customary Gryffindor vs. Slytherin Snowball Battle of the Winter, but the strangest thing happened. Frank Longbottom threw a snowball at Fiona Grundhog, a Hufflepuff prefect. That evening over dinner she got up on her chair and announced that she was challenging the whole house of Gryffindor to a snowball battle this weekend. Everyone in Gryffindor was a bit like "oh yeah? What are you gonna do? Throw little bunnies covered in cinnamon and sugar?" (actual sentence pronounced by Sirius), so Hufflepuffs started getting all "don't underestimate us, you fucking twats", and Gryffindor was like "oooooooh we are so scared of little fluffy Hufflepuff people in their little fluffy Hufflepuff robes!" (actual sentence pronounced by James), so Hufflepuff was like "if it's war you want, it's war you'll get" so Gryffindor got like "bring it on, bastards!" (actual sentence pronounced by Lily Evans). You get the idea, right? Well, what happened was completely unexpected but I still can't believe I didn't see it coming – they have formed an alliance with Ravenclaw! I sincerely applaud such a smart strategy. They know Gryffindor will never ask for Slytherin's support, so they outnumber us two to one!_

 _I will obviously keep you updated on the developments of this. Our house is divided between those who want to ally with Slytherin and those who would rather stick a knife in their eyes instead. You can imagine which side James and Sirius are on. Lily Evans has suggested using her friendship with Snape to win their favour. You can imagine how James has reacted to this._

 _Stay safe and come back soon!_

 _Moony_

* * *

 **Hi Wormy!**

 **Your favourite person here. Mr Moony has forgotten to tell you all about my birthday. Let me tell you how it was: A-MA-ZING. James bought me a set of shot glasses that auto-refill with vodka every time you shout "Proletariat of the world, unite!" I have no fucking clue where he got that, but it rocks. Then we had a massive party in the common room and I got so drunk that apparently I tried to dance with McGonagall when she arrived very late at night to shut it down. I am grounded for the rest of the month and the worst part is that I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER IT. But James was laughing about it for the next three days so at least something good came out of it.**

 **On another note, we are so looking forward to the Legendary Snowball Battle of the Winter. People are being so whiny and over-dramatic about fighting both Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw. Please! Give me Kingsley and Alice (beaters for the Gryffindor Quidditch team, heh) and two hundred snowballs and I swear we can defeat them by ourselves. I will never, I repeat, NEVER, form an alliance with Slytherins. Never.**

 **Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo ❤❤❤**

 **Padfoot**

* * *

Pete! Petey Pete!

I miss you loads, when are you coming back? I just want to add that I didn't sleep with Sirius ON PURPOSE, I was just being comforted by him and I fell asleep. In his arms. I can sleep in my own bed when I'm scared. Not that I was scared. Well I was a bit scared. YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN HER, THERE WAS BLOOD COMING OUT FROM HER MOUTH AND HER EYE SOCKETS AND I JUST HAVE HER IMAGE BURNT IN MY HEAD FOREVER PETE! Honestly, everyone thinks that Dumbledore is a kind old man full of kind old love but I see him for what he really is – A CRUEL PRANKSTER NOT BETTER THAN PEEVES, and we are just puppets in this stage of his called "school". There, I said it. Expel me if you dare, you old bastard.

I don't think I have anything else to tell you, Moony and Padfoot have already said it all. Those bastards. I promise I will start writing you more often. It's just that I've been too traumatised by the headless doll to do it, you know? And I've also been busy planning the Epic Snowball Battle of the Winter. Evans is trying really hard to convince me to form an alliance with Slytherin. She knows she has power over me and she knows I have power over Sirius (if I convinced him of punching himself in the face in third year I can convince him of this), but I'm hesitating. On the one hand, they double us. On the other, there are certain tactical strategies we can use even if we are outnumbered, as professor McGonagall explained to us with a lot of detail during the second half of the class today, and that way we wouldn't have to humiliate ourselves in front of Slytherin. She has also promised us a big winter feast if we win the Battle, so THE GAME IS ON. I don't know why she is so into this, maybe she has made a bet with the other Heads of Houses but I think she is just very competitive. Under all that sternness and smart-looking glasses there is a true Gryffindor

Come back soon mate,

JP

* * *

 _ **James, Sirius and Remus,**_

 _ **Hello! Sorry I haven't replied all this time, we moved houses and your owls were taking the letters to our old address. Funny thing is, there are Muggles living there now, so my dad has had to do A LOT of explaining. Now I appear in the... "Muggle registry" as an owl carer. I can always try that if I don't find a job in the wizarding world, hah.**_

 _ **So you will be wondering what's going on with me! What happened was that my mum got really sick and we didn't know what was wrong with her. She was looked at by a lot of doctors at St. Mungo's but none of them could tell us what illness she had. She decided that we would go to my grandparents' house for some time, so we did, and there she got much better! And then we came back, and she got much worse. Then we went back to my grandparents' and she was fine again. So it was something in our place! And then we realised – it was the trees! Some new trees had recently been planted and apparently she is allergic to that. We don't know if it's the leaves or the little red balls hanging from them.**_

 _ **My dad went to talk to the Muggles who had planted the trees to convince them to remove them, but they didn't listen to him. So that's when we decided to move houses. And it has been the best idea because now my mum is completely fine and I've got this massive room! It's really cool!**_ _ **I have**_ ** _hangued..._** ** _hung a picture of us four on the wall (the one we took in the kitchens where James has cake all over his face and Moony is trying to look normal but his mouth is full of chocolate and Sirius and I are just laughing a lot), and also the banner you guys made for my 15th birthday with my face on it, and also a really cool picture of Orsino Thruston, the drummer of the Weird Sisters. It's a new band Sirius introduced me to! It's really good!_**

 _ **Everything you are doing sounds really fun, I wish I was there! But I've got good news – I'm coming back next week! I don't know what day yet, it depends on when my parents can get a day off at work. I'm so excited to go back, I miss you guys and Hogwarts so much! I always feel a bit anxious before every school year but I dont feel anxious at all now! Maybe it's because I've skipped the welcoming feast so Sirius will not be able to put vanilla pudding down my back like every year because they only serve it on the welcoming feast**_ _ **Bad luck there, Padfoot.**_

 _ **Hopefully you will win against Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw in the Battle. Fingers crossed!**_

 _ **See you very soon, guys!**_

 _ **Peter**_


	4. Letters of December 1976

Letters of December 1976

 _Dear mum and dad,_

 _How are you? How's grandma?_

 _Sorry for taking so long to write to you, we've had some trouble at Hogwarts which has kept me occupied. I actually wanted to tell you all about it before you hear it from the Director or the Head of House. Basically I, together with the whole Gryffindor House, have been in detention. I had never been in detention before and to be honest at first I didn't know how to behave. I thought it was going to be a debate kind of thing, not quite like "Hi, my name is Remus ("Hi, Remus!") and I have been in detention for two days now" but more like the professors nudging us to reflect on what we did, why it was wrong and how not to do it again. I mean, I guess I KNEW it wasn't like that because James and Sirius have spent more time in detention than sleeping and I can't really imagine them reflecting on their wrongdoings. I was just HOPING it would be like that, so much so that I got up when professor McGonagall came into the classroom and I opened my mouth. Only then I realised that McGonagall was frowning and everyone was staring at me, so I did what a Gryffindor must do at times like those: I said "this is unfair!" and threw my rucksack to the floor in protest. Everyone started screaming to express their agreement and Sirius even jumped on the table and shouted "FUCK THE POLICE! FUCK THE SYSTEM!" (Sorry for the swearing, I'm just telling you exactly how it happened.) In the end, my outburst made us lose even more House points, but at least I didn't make a fool of myself._

 _I suppose you will be wondering what we did to end up in that situation. I think I had talked to you before about the Snowball Battle of the Winter. It's a customary battle between Houses, because apparently we don't have enough competition with the House Cup and the Quidditch Cup. The Snowball Battle is always fought between Gryffindor and Slytherin, the other two Houses being more mature and less... intense. Well, this year was different because Hufflepuff challenged Gryffindor to a Battle and they allied with Ravenclaw, so we were forced to either side with Slytherin or lose. I must say we made an effort to talk to the Slytherins and we even held a meeting in the Great Hall, but it ended badly when James threw mashed potatoes at Snape's face. Slytherins ended up allying with both Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw, and that's when we panicked. BUT Gryffindors work best when the odds are against us, so we came up with a plan. It was James' idea and Lily and I did extensive reading to learn how to do the spell and Sirius was the one who actually performed it, but the whole House was in on it so nobody pointed fingers and everyone got blamed and punished. What we did was actually genius – we enchanted the magical ceiling of the Great Hall to throw thousands of snowballs at Hufflepuff's, Ravenclaw's and Slytherin's tables during lunch. They fell on them incredibly hard and they crashed plates and glasses and also hurt some students. Half of them are in the Hospital Wing._

 _I very much understand the severity of what we did and I assume all responsibility given that I'm a prefect and I should have stopped my friends instead of collaborating with them. I am very sorry and I promise I won't do anything like that again. I don't particularly enjoy being in detention (which apparently consists on sitting down in silence staring at the wall four hours every evening for a month, as well as some cleaning on the weekends). However, the worst punishment is the certainty that this has just been the beginning and that their revenge will come sooner or later._

 _Sorry again._

 _A hug,_

 _Remus_

* * *

Hi dad,

Please don't show this letter to mum and don't tell her about it, because she is going to freak out. I'm in detention and I will be for a while. Just know that my friends and I are not the only ones to blame. Actually the whole House of Gryffindor is to blame and SLYTHERINS are to blame too.

I know that you always end up telling her even though I confide in you and I ask you not to, because I'm aware that deep down you love your wife more than YOUR OWN SON (hey, no hard feelings, you have to sleep with her every night), but PLEASE DO NOT TELL HER THIS TIME. Please dad, I'm begging you. Remember last summer when she found cigarettes in SIRIUS'S BAG and she started pulling out the bristles of my broomstick one by one until I confessed UNDER DURESS that I had smoked as well? Madwoman. I don't know what she will do if she knows that we... we kind of sent half of the school to the Hospital Wing for minor injuries caused by snowballs.

ANYWAY, how are things? Any new potion you have come up with? Any new jazz bands you're listening to?

Lots of love,

James

* * *

DEAR SIRIUS,

THIS IS JAMES'S MUM. AS MY SON HAS KINDLY SET FIRE TO THE HOWLER I SENT, WILL YOU PLEASE INFORM HIM THAT HIS FATHER TOLD ME WHAT HAPPENED AND THAT EVEN IF HE HADN'T THE HEAD OF HOUSE IS COMPETENT ENOUGH TO WRITE TO US DIRECTLY? I DON'T CARE IF HE SAYS HE ISN'T THE ONLY ONE TO BLAME BECAUSE I GAVE BIRTH TO HIM AND RAISED HIM AND I KNOW PERFECTLY WELL HE WAS THE LEADER OF THE WHOLE THING. TELL HIM I AM GOING TO MAKE SURE THERE ISN'T A SINGLE SECOND OF ALL HIS HOLIDAYS AT HOME WHERE HE WON'T BE REGRETTING WHAT HE DID.

ALSO, I KNOW YOU ENOUGH TO IMAGINE THAT YOU WERE PROBABLY HIGHLY INVOLVED IN THIS AS WELL SO IT'S GOING TO BE HELL FOR YOU TOO, MY BOY.

LOVE,

EUPHEMIA

* * *

 **Dear Mrs Potter,**

 **I will tell him. I understand. Sorry.**

 **Sirius**

* * *

Dear dad,

Thanks for that.

James

* * *

 _ **PETER,**_

 _ **WE HAVE RECEIVED A LETTER FROM PROFESSOR MCGONAGALL TELLING US ABOUT A BATTLE YOUR CLASSMATES ORGANISED AT SCHOOL THAT ENDED IN BLOOD. YOU HAVE SOME EXPLANING TO DO, YOUNG MAN. WE HAVE TOLD YOU MANY TIMES THAT THOSE FRIENDS OF YOURS ARE A BAD INFLUENCE FOR YOU. YOU REFUSED TO LISTEN AND THIS IS THE RESULT. WE HAVE REQUESTED THE HEAD OF HOUSE THAT YOU ARE MOVED TO ANOTHER BEDROOM. APPARENTLY SHE ALREADY TOOK THAT MEASURE IN YOUR SECOND YEAR, BUT SHE CHANGED HER MIND WHEN YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS WENT ON A "HUNGER STRIKE" THAT LASTED FOR 6 HOURS. SHE SEEMS TO BE OF THE OPINION THAT THEY ACTUALLY DO YOU SOME GOOD. YOUR MUM AND I STRONGLY DISAGREE, SO WE WILL BE OBSERVING VERY CLOSELY YOUR ACTIVITY AT HOGWARTS.**_

 _ **TAKE CARE,**_

 _ **DAD**_

* * *

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Just so you know, reviews make me super happy :D

Eleuven


	5. Letters of Christmas 1976

Letters of Christmas 1976

Hi Remus,

I'm writing to let you know that Sirius is staying at my house. He was supposed to spend Christmas with his family but he showed up at my doorstep one morning, completely sodden and with a big bruise on the side of his face, which gave him the air of either a madman or a murderer. Maybe both.

Here's a list of reasons why he got that bruise that he has told me so far, in no particular order:

-He fell down the stairs.

-He fell off the bed. (I can believe this one, he does fall off the bed quite a lot.)

-He slapped himself while sleeping.

-He slapped himself while awake to stop himself from singing that catchy Christmas song from Honeydukes – the one that goes lalalalalala lalalalalala lalalalalalalalalalalalala. (Which clearly hasn't worked as HE IS STILL BLOODY SINGING IT.)

-He was hit by a homeless Muggle wearing a princess crown (?) who got mad because Sirius wouldn't give him some of his beer.

-He was hit by a fairy in heat.

When I tell him to be serious, he tells me he is always Sirius (this was just for you Moony, I know how much you love that joke) and he quickly changes the topic.

In all seriousness now, I'm pretty sure his parents did that to him, probably his father, but he doesn't want to talk about it and I don't know how to make people talk about something they should talk about but don't want to talk about. That's your area of expertise, Moony. Do you just, like, force them? Do I literally get into a fight with Sirius because he's being all emotionally closed up and shit? Do I beat him up because he won't tell me who beat him up? For some reason that doesn't sound like the best solution.

He told my mum. She was the one who found him by the door, almost frozen to death, but she won't tell me because she says it's nobody's business but Sirius's and he will talk about it when he is ready. Obviously she doesn't know Sirius. If she did she would know that that will never happen, he will just grow angrier and darker and scarier and one day he will fucking BURST WON'T HE?

Enjoy my Christmas present. You are supposed to eat one chocolate each day, not all at once. Believe me, I'm telling you from personal experience.

See you soon,

James

* * *

 _Dear Sirius,_

 _How are you? Someone told me you were staying at the Potters's. Is everything ok with your parents? How's that bruise coming along? Remember that I know a thing or two about bruises. And remember that we all suck at divination, so you need to tell us what is going on with you. We don't want you to burst. We would have to do so much cleaning afterwards._

 _Tell James thank you so much for the chocolates. They were amazing and I managed to only eat half of them at once. That's a big achievement for me._

 _Merry Christmas and all that,_

 _Remus_

* * *

 **Moony,**

 **Hello! How's it hangin'? I bet the name of that treacherous snitch who told you about my adventures rhymes with "lame". I'm fine. I'm peachy. Honest. James gave me that bruise when I wouldn't stop singing the Christmas song from Honeydukes. I had it coming, really.**

 **My parents are assholes. My whole family is a big hairy smelly asshole. Don't wanna talk about it, won't talk about it. Deal with it.**

 **I hope you are having a good Christmas. I definitely am, James's parents are amazing and just a tiny bit crazy. No but really, they are – Mrs Potter has a massive greenhouse where she grows every kind of plant, including WEED (she might be miraculously oblivious to this though) and Mr Potter is like the best potioneer ever. He has a potion for literally everything. I wouldn't be surprised if he came up with the formula for immortality one day. Or if he already had and he hadn't noticed. He should teach at Hogwarts instead of old Slughorn. It's ironic if you think about it, as James's most disliked subjects are Herbology and Potions. And besides, his father is the fucking inventor of the Sleekeazy's Hair Potion and HIS HAIR IS A MESS. Don't tell him I said this, he would probably kick me out of his house and I would have to go live with you. Or Peter. Imagine that, god. His mum would find me so dirty that she would empty a bottle of bleach on me for good measure.**

 **I have to run, there's pie for dinner and it's so good I'm practically drooling over your letter.**

 **Merry Xmas for you too and a Happy New Fucking Year,**

 **Pads**

* * *

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I hope you enjoyed it, guys! I had to modify the previous chapter a bit as it stated that Sirius was already living with the Potters, but he moved to their house when he was 16 so it was a mistake.

Reviews are appreciated! xoxo


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